The Do’s & Don’ts Of Talking to a Mom Who Has Lost a Child

I remember, within the first year after my child’s death, someone said to me “You’re so strong, I couldn’t do what you’re doing.  I wouldn’t survive.” This simple statement, meant as a compliment really, hurt me to my core. I felt as if she was saying I didn’t love my child as much as she loves hers.  I imagined all sorts of things she (and probably others) were thinking about me. Looking back on it now, I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it, but something has made me remember it to this day almost 23 years later.

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Karima Neghmouche
Permission to laugh

I remember shortly after Nick died, maybe a week, we were all huddled around my daughter watching her, hanging on her every word and move.  I don’t even remember what she did, but I remember a laugh escaping my lips.  Immediately, I was shocked and ashamed.  How could I laugh when my son had just died?

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Karima Neghmouche
Who I am + who I want to be

I’m just a regular woman who does all the typical things.  But on January 12, 1996, a different title was forced on me.  Then I became a parent who has lost a child.  While there are a lot of others like me in this respect, there are a lot more who aren’t.  Thank goodness.

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Karima Neghmouche
What is a grief coach and how do I know if I need one?

Your heart is broken.  You are overwhelmed with sadness. You are numb.  You can’t believe what has happened.  No one knows how you feel. How could they?  They didn’t have the relationship that you had with your child.  You’re not even sure you WANT to feel better. It wouldn’t be right to feel good when your child is GONE.

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Karima Neghmouche
My first try

I look at my life in two sections.  Before and after.  Honestly, before I was clueless. I’d never suffered any debilitating loss.  Anyone I had known that had died was an “old person”.  It was sad, but it’s not the level of sadness I would come to know later.

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Karima Neghmouche