Who I am + who I want to be

I am a mom, a girlfriend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a cousin, a friend.  I am an office manager and a fitness instructor.  I am an essential oil lover, and a planner enthusiast.  I love my puppy, Netflix, pedicures and shopping.

So I’m just a regular woman who does all the typical things.  But on January 12, 1996, a different title was forced on me.  Then I became a parent who has lost a child.  While there are a lot of others like me in this respect, there are a lot more who aren’t.  Thank goodness.

Of all the people I know, some of them don’t even know this about me.  For others, it’s the first thing they think when they see me.  For most, they know it’s just a part of me.  

Since this happened, I sat back and let all these titles be assigned by life.  But lately, I have such a clear mind and open heart, I have wanted to take control of this somehow.  I am feeling such a strong pull to make something good come out of something bad.  

Listening to some “happiness experts” the other day and they suggested that with the tough things that come up in your life, you should try and re-frame your thoughts and say “this is actually a good thing”.  Now there is no way in the world I’m ever going to say that.  And there’s no way I would ever suggest that anyone else in my shoes could do that.  

But…..what if I try?  What if I try to say that since this happened, and there’s no way to change it, how can I make it, somehow, a good thing?  

When I read over that thought, it almost makes me feel sick.  How can I even say that?  I am reaching out to those who have suffered a loss, who have grieved and I ask, can I say that?  Why would I want to?  

To be honest, I want to be in control of the titles in my life.  I had this unwanted “mother who lost her son” title forced upon me.  I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t want it.  But since it happened, I’d like to add some new titles myself.  Ones that I choose.  How about “woman who offered hope to a grieving parent” or “Mom who created a movement in memory of her son” or “lady who refused to be sad her whole life”?

I want to hear from other parents that have lost children, other people who have grieved – hard.  How do you feel about having this undesirable title thrust on you?   Do you want it to be the first thing people think when they see you…….?

Please comment and tell me what you think.  Please share this with someone who may benefit from this conversation.  

Contact me, I am here for you!

Karima Neghmouche